Advice to the Only Actor Who’s Realized They’re in a Shitty Film

Hey pal , are you on a flick determine and have just looked around and realized that you ’re the only one who ’s actualise that this moving picture is n’t going to make it ? Well then , we have some advice for you .

First of all , I ’d like to congratulate you on agnize something that so few citizenry do . Delusion is not salutary for the soul and it ’s never respectable to be surprised when the reexamination come off . secondly of all , do n’t think of this as a trip up city block in your career . Think of it as an opportunity to stand out . To slip this pic out from under their carpet . Here are some observations to help .

The biggest warning sign is that this is an adaptation that shouldn’t exist.

adaptation of display panel game , television game , subject park ride , comic books , picture show , for whatever reason ( it ’s laziness ) are often fight an uphill battle to not be horrible . If you ’ve base yourself on one that has bomb that fight , get ready . You ’ll cognize if you ’re in keep and Dragons instead of Lord of the Rings .

Play the villain.

This is your best Leslie Townes Hope of saving the picture show . Many a picture show has enter “ so bad it ’s hilarious ” territorial dominion because the soul play the villain decided to ruin the scene . Let Alan Rickman in Prince of Thieves be your guide in this . Deliver every stupid line you are given with every bit of intensity you may discover . This is how the air “ Because it ’s dull , you twit , it ’ll hurt more ! ” becomes a classic .

Have entirely too much energy.

If everyone else appears to somnambulate through a incubus of a film , you may save it by spring about the stage set like a lunatic . Large deal gestures , wholesale capes , bouncing up and down — do it all and you will have all optic on you .

Dress for success.

If you desire to be the only memorable affair about a movie , wear something that someone who wants to be just obscure enough can turn into a vaguely recognizable Halloween costume . And if you want to ensure all eye are on you in every frame , have a property to draw the eye . staff are popular .

Be weird.

Do you know what the good part of the Twilight picture are ? It ’s any shot with Michael Sheen . Any scene . Sheen ’s performance as Aro plays very much like he had a bet with a booster that he could render every guessing he was in useless and the director never note . He ’s not just eat on the scenery . He ’s not just running around manically . He is zigging where everyone else is zagging . The estimable three endorsement of the entire series is him reaching for a baby while laughing with all the dignity of a concussed Woody the Woodpecker . Here it is on loop for five minute :

Have fun.

Why did Sir Ben Kingsley do Uwe Boll ’s incubus of a film Bloodrayne ? Well , he said , “ To be honest , I have always require to play a lamia , with the tooth and the farsighted black cape . Let ’s say that my motive were somewhat immature for doing it . ” That ’s fine ! If that ’s the reason you suppose yes , espouse the role , reject the movie .

Be British.

I ’m sorry about this one . There are a few non - British actors who have care to bake and give up ham with the expert of them : Raúl Juliá in Street Fighter , Frank Langella in Masters of the Universe , Joseph Gordon - Levitt in G.I. Joe , etc . But the Brits own this class . Alan Rickman , Jeremy Irons , Christopher Lee , Ian McDiarmid in the Star Wars prequels , Kenneth Branagh in Wild Wild West , Sean Connery in The Avengers , Ralph Fiennes … the leaning goes on and on . If you ’re British , you ’re halfway home .

In all honesty , you ’ve been given a gift . Yeah , there are films that are going to be well - reviewed and win awards . But if you want to give the most comprehended performance , it ’s being entertaining enough to save a film that would otherwise be a incubus to check .

Help