Don’t Feed the Sexy Mercenary, and Other Lessons from Sanctuary

Sanctuary take back last night with an ailing Bigfoot , freak - make foolishness , and more of vampire Nikola Tesla . And we learned many important lessons about everything from cope with hot female mercenary to hang out with Jack the Ripper .

Sasquatch Hate Vampires : We ’ve evidently abandoned the Lazarus virus plotline from last time of year . The villainous Cabal had created the Lazarus virus , which infects Abnormals with a variety of rabies , so that they go mad and set on normal humans before sputtering out and dying . As interesting as the monster apocalypse would have been , if the writers feel they could n’t do anything with it , it ’s just as well that they ’ve chuck it . Nikola Tesla ( who ’s been a lamia for the last 100 + years ) managed to germinate a curative , and has been trot the globe to extradite it to infected Abnormals . The only critter who wo n’t take it is Bigfoot , because apparently Sasquatch and vampires do n’t mix . This means that Bigfoot is pose in quarantine , suffering and gradually going crazy . What fun .

vampire Ca n’t Get Drunk ( as Much as They Might Want To ): I ’m so terribly happy that the writers had the expert common sense to keep Nikola Tesla around . He ’s just the correct kind of obnoxious to lighten up the often dismally serious cast . He ’s taken to calling Will ( still the show ’s least interesting character ) “ Huggy Bear , ” and he ’s manage to empty out Helen Magnus ’ wine-coloured cellar , even though inebriant does n’t move him in the least .

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There ’s Such a matter as Perfect DNA : So the Cabal ’s latest nefarious plot involves kidnapping people who were once part of a governing project to create tyke with “ perfect ” DNA . These kids had their genomes scrubbed of any mutations , making them absolutely normal in contrast to the genome of those fruity Abnormals . Really ? What on Earth was their baseline for that ?

The Crazy Monster Maker Just want to be Your Mommy : Since the Cabal is n’t conk to be a huge part of season two , I infer we wo n’t be seeing much of the Cabal ’s monster making scientist after the next installment . That ’s a genuine shame , because this lady is batshit crazy in the best mode . She ’s bit by bit transform Magnus ’ brainwash and kidnapped daughter Ashley into some kind of superbeast , but it ’s okay because she kind of loves Ashley ( in a parental way ) and does n’t require her to ever experience any pain . She steal the show with each creepy stroke of Ashley ’s hair .

Do n’t Feed the Sexy Mercenary : Since Ashley ’s blend in AWOL , the Sanctuary needs a new hot girl to be its resident badass . Enter Kate Freelander , with the line , “ Yes , that ’s my real name , even though it sounds made up . ” Oh , Sanctuary , how I wish you were always so ego - aware . At the mo , though , Miss Freelander is work as a snatcher for the Cabal , at least until she gets conquer by Magnus and company . Henry is shortly left the guard her , but screws the bow-wow when he falls for her seductive imp bar - eat ways :

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Hanging Out with Jack the Ripper Makes You Violent : Who bed ? Magnus has been spending an atrocious lot of time with John Druitt , her sometimes crazy husband who also pass off to be Jack the Ripper , sometimes by moonshine . And when , in an inspire second of violence , she shoots Kate Freelander in the foot , boring old Will is win over that Druitt is rub off on her . Oh front , actual battle between the characters that has nothing to do with creative thinker ascendance or insanity ! There may be hope for them yet .

All Monsters Have Terrible sensationalistic eye : If it act upon for Where the Wild Things Are , it must work for Sanctuary , too . Ashley ’s monstrous transmutation is accomplished , signaled by her eye turning a rather terrible spook of Indian mustard . Oh , and she ’s got retractable fingernails , giant incisors , and the ability to speedily heal her wounds . Basically , she ’s Wolverine with more eyeshadow . And the Cabal ’s big plan is to overwrite the genetic computer code of the masses with “ complete ” deoxyribonucleic acid to make more teras just like her .

Sanctuary is Still Kind of Ridiculous : I run to ping Sanctuary for not possess its unearthly ideas enough ( maybe I just want to see more aphrodisiac Tribbles ) and giving its characters right smart too much down time . But last night ’s episode was surprisingly watchable , even if it opted to play things fairly direct rather than go for over - the - top weirdness . Still , the powers that be ca n’t seem to make up one’s mind if the show is serious or a turn B - pic campy , as evidenced by this final prospect :

Lesdilley